Dear Random Plastic Elephant on the Kitchen Counter This Morning,

Whence camest thou, and was it sandy there?

Were you once a fridge magnet? Where did your magnet go?

And finally, are you trying to tell me something? Perhaps something about the Super U dark chocolate raisin hazelnut bar in the fridge? Well, you’re just going to have to find that magnet of yours because sitting on the counter like that, you’re rather ignorable.